ahhhhh!! yeah!! -9 lbs

so i am at 204 today. thank the gods. My car is getting fixed today and will probably be able to run by tomorrow. I have to get the bitch registered and that will be costly. im going to just do something small for dustin's christmas pressent. I got home yesterday and found his ex here. well while i was walking through the door found him dressed up and very close to her. i dont know what happend i dont want to speculate but i bet they kissed. its been bothering me for a while now. i do not like her. and i am going to use that as my fuel along with everything else thats been bothering me, to run. and lose weight. it makes me nauseated at the fact that he could be cheating on me. plus i found on his phone that he changed his picture to something else rather than me on the background.
LESSON #1 :
its about me now.
LESSON #2:
i cannot control anyone but myself. if he cheats then its his fault not mine.
LESSON #3:
I will not hurt myself over this garbage. I was tempted to cut again. i did on my leg, but i sat in the shower and agreed to myself that i am not worth being hurt. i am worth much more than that!
that goes along with stuffing my emotional pie hole with food. If i eat because im emotional i am hurting myself.
LESSON #4:
I dont want to get married. It's decided. there is too much room for disappointment. I dont want to be let down any more and i let myself down and others have let me down.
LESSON #5:
I am a strong woman. I CAN do anything I want.
LESSON #6:
Times may be hard but that should only make me stronger. I should only look at things that happen in my life good or bad as opportunities to grow.
LESSON #7:
NO ONE WILL HOLD ME BACK!
LESSON #8:
I am in my prime and deserve to have a good time.
LESSON #9:
I need to make ME happy.



that is all my rant.