i could not do it.

i was getting so depressed i was just trying to pick fights and crying all the time. i cant fucking take that!!! me and dustin were not talking. i was pissy all the time. jesus losing weight is not worth my relationship. i liked it when i was doing atkins and i was able to run. that is when i was getting my head on straight. this was ruining my fucking hormones they were going ape shit. i think maybe some time down the road i may give it one more shot but i just could not find myself doing this. so im going back to atkins. im going back to the gym and im doing this because it makes me happy. i was more active and on the hcg i was realy resenting people for what they were eating. at least on atkins i had a variety of food and i wasnt starving all the time and i was losing weight. so i may try this again later but fuck i right now think you can do it you can! and i really am not feeling like i can. i think the best way of eating is atkins. i could eat all the shrimp and fish i wanted to, eggs with oil cooking in oil, any veggies, cheeses salads with dressings. i felt so much more peaceful eating this way. i give those who have stuck out hcg kudos. i want to just say i will try  it again today but that is because in a sense im tired of being over weight i just want to be at my goal weight. whatever. bitch. its gonna a be another hard tough road. suck it up and run. im already not taking my anti depressants and that hurts me, then i got on hcg and i could not go 4 days without cheating ha ha ha!! i suck ha ha ha!!so today i am 193.2 and im hoping i can drop ten pounds by halloween then. just ten.
i felt like i could eat whatever i wanted to today. we have things to make hashbrowns and french toast and pancakes, really all i made was an egg and fake meat cheese breakfast sandwich with maybe 1 tsp of ketchup
i was looking (oh btw the bread i used was whole grain and only 50 calories per slice more like an english muffin kind of deal)  at everything to eat and nothing seemed good too eat to me. like i knew i could binge on whatever i wanted to but it just sounded disgusting. i just wanted  a breakfast and i had coffee water and a half a grapefruit. so im thinking this little round kind of cured me of that. i didnt want to binge and i feel very full at the moment.
i want to run it was my anti depressant.  its not going to be sunny that much longer so i think running and i know running will do me some fucking good!! :)  i need more positivity in my life and running helped me get there. i need a new job. i took a blow over someones fuck up yesterday. i want to work at bio mat so i could rank up a lot of hours and i wouldnt have to wait around for people to call me and drive every where. wasting time money gas and energy. blah.
i have to go to these peoples homes who could easily take care of their family members and they fucking pay someone to do it. i started smoking since i picked up on the hcg stuff. it sucks i stopped running. yeah i may do it in the winter when i cant really run. fuck i bet my running time is off now. ahhhhhhggg. fucking christ im not sure what i want to do. if i stay on hcg i can lose the weight but i keep having such a shit attitude. arrrggg.  fuck i dont know what im going to do. i dont know i dont know. i want to do hcg. i want to do atkins. fuck. i just cant handle the mood swings on this. i dont want to do it. i miss running and being happy LOL. my outlook has changed on food though. i am going to stick to atkins though.