Last night I took Dustin to my sisters house and we had a great time! We laughed and went to dinner. I think it was just what he needed :)
I wrote this to my friend who has been a huge part in my inspiration to succeed in my weight loss:
Dustin is upset right now because since he lost his job he gained 10 lbs. I didn't notice the difference and he went to put on his jeans they were super tight. He was complaining saying he knew he put on weight. I told him to get on the scale, so what does he do????
Gets on the fuggin scale with shoes, clothes and right after he ate in the afternoon!!
ha ha ha I'm like honey, you can't weigh yourself like that. At least take off some pounds to compensate!
He tells me, "I don't give a crap I know when I've gained weight!" he was pretty down about it. So I reminded him, "you know its much easier for a man to lose weight than a woman. And you have so much muscle you can lose quite a bit and in 2 weeks you would notice a diff"
I need to stick with this HCG. I noticed the other day when Dustin and I went over to his friends house, They were making hot dogs and eating chips. I brought shrimp and tomatoes and strawberries. I ate my food and I was still hungry. They were drinking beer and I had my water. Then they started talking about smores. I was kind of sad. I was sitting by the fire kind of saying good bye to it like it was something I needed to say.
Gets on the fuggin scale with shoes, clothes and right after he ate in the afternoon!!
ha ha ha I'm like honey, you can't weigh yourself like that. At least take off some pounds to compensate!
He tells me, "I don't give a crap I know when I've gained weight!" he was pretty down about it. So I reminded him, "you know its much easier for a man to lose weight than a woman. And you have so much muscle you can lose quite a bit and in 2 weeks you would notice a diff"
I need to stick with this HCG. I noticed the other day when Dustin and I went over to his friends house, They were making hot dogs and eating chips. I brought shrimp and tomatoes and strawberries. I ate my food and I was still hungry. They were drinking beer and I had my water. Then they started talking about smores. I was kind of sad. I was sitting by the fire kind of saying good bye to it like it was something I needed to say.
I want this obsession with food to be over with. I'm tired of it, It makes me tired.
i really do just want to be healthy. I feel that in order for me to feel completely free of food. I feel like a chained up beast. LOL there are 2 doctors sitting in starbucks right now drinking coffee and there are two asian women sitting next to them. The women dont know the doctors. and they are speaking in their language. the dr's keep looking over at them and giving one another a smile like "oh they are weird".
Why in the world do we judge so much. Then i feel like im under much more pressure to be perfect.
I vow right here right now i will not be perfect. I will strive to be healthier and a more positive person.
Im sorry to myself and those around me for being negative. This year has just had me by the balls. i hated it.
so today is a 9. i WILL have a good day. yesterday was jessica and eddies 1 year wedding anniversary. so they sent me a text message saying thank you for the wine flutes i bought them. then i was starting to get kind of sad about my own wedding. how i wish (for some odd reason) that i had stayed with juan because at least i knew i was going to get married. its stupid i know. I dont feel jealousy i feel a friendly envy. i know they are good for each other and it makes me happy that they are together. im not just writing that i really am happy they have one another.
i have lots of things to be grateful for. i dont weigh 280, i have a wonderful loving man who despite my attitude sometimes (due to dieting) he still loves me. A roof over my head. a crazy birdie. a cute doggie. a car!! that runs for now. im almost done with my CNA course.
yesterday dustins mom came over and she was real upset. talking to dustin like im the reason for his attitude. and he stook up for himself and me by saying that the shit with the house went down and to shit and just so happend to lose his job.
she also told us that she had been listening to nicks lies. which is fucking stupid! and i let her know that she should have known better for that. He neglected to tell her certain things. also, iliana has been having some really nice issues with us too! I just found out yesterday since dustin and i were talking that when jesse was deployed that there were some akward stages between them. that it was apparent to him that ily had feelings for him. then he told me that he didn't have those feelings for her like that so that made it hard on him.
she was drunk texting him the other night talking to him like im sorry i didnt hug you when you came to the car, jesse and i got into a fight. NoW I FUCKING GET IT!!
ily and jesse fight because she want dustin. ily fights with me, because she is jealous. ily fights with dustin because she cant stand to see him with me. Ily knows were really good for each other and we would stay with each other and that frightens her because he just got out of a relationship in december. ily fights with jessica because she is envious of her wonderful marriage. wow. so that made sense to me :) now the thing is, i read her cards and saw that ily was actually going to be some what of a loner. her fashion will take off but she will end up with a divorce on her hands. and i didnt see a baby. i only said that since i didnt want to break her heart. wow this helps me a lot to figure this shit out.
jessica knows too. we all are shocked that ily is acting the way she is and were all hurt. i stick to what i believed is right and i believed that ily was trying to talk shit about jessica and her trying to get a business established. she was asking me questions that i didnt feel comfortable answering. (as soon as i felt that way i knew that our friendship was no longer)
she was telling me i needed to do some research on primerica before i did it and that it was not suitable for them. well i retorted its not for every one and i havent quite made up my mind yet on it. BUT JESSICA DID THEIR FINANCES???? that did not sit well with me. that made me feel like jessica was being used. AND I DO NOT LIKE FEELING LIKE MY FRIENDS WERE BEING USED!!!
when she told me she text juan to apologize to his ass about getting in the way, that made me feel like she was more or less apologizing for "our breaking up". and if she didnt get in the way of us breaking up dustin and i would not be together.
what the fuck man. ily has gone too far. its bullshit. i just lost a friend. great. sometimes all it take is time to weed out the bad friends :) i thought i was going to lose jessica, eddie and kel but they proved to me i could trust them. ily has been such a fucking let down to me and to dustin. i feel bad for him the most.
so i've been trying to do some math here.
its sad right now with dustin's parents. the dad and mom spend outrageous amounts of money of frivolous. lipo suction instead of helping their fucking son out.
FYI WHEN I BECOME A MOTHER MY LIFE IS FOR MY CHILDREN NOT FOR ME!!! IF MY CHILDREN EVER NEED SOMETHING I WILL PROVIDE THEM WITH ASSISTANCE. I FUCKING HATE PARENTS THAT ARE SELF RIGHTEOUS AND THINK THEY ARE SO DESERVING!!!
i dont get it.
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