yesterday all i wanted were salads. i ate 3 salads yesterday!!! THREE!! dustin bought this amazing lettuce and i cut come colby jack cheese into tiny cubes and added diced pickles, brushetta i made, olive oil, vinegar, lemon juice, green onions. i think that might have been all but it was so delicious. and im sure 3 cups was = out to 1 net carb. so i was eating 1.5 cups x three. i probably didnt eat all my carbs yesterday. i was not feeling good.
i had a dream where a friend was going out of town and she needed money and the only money i had was change so i was gathering up all this change i had left for her. and we were going up this hill for her ceremony and there were hornets everywhere and i was scared. i hate bees. they're terrifying to me.
any way, yesterday was my dad's birthday and i did not even send him a hello. im still pist off about the conversation we had. im angry at how selfish those two are. like i said previously my cousin says that OCD runs in the family. and my mother is a compulsive liar. and i know i got that too. i know that sometimes i have the urge to lie just to lie. and i stop myself and say there is no reason for that. it was first brought to my attention by my grandmother. she was asking me why are you lying because there is no reason for that. it was way worse when i was younger. i am much better at it. i would mostly lie at work probably because those people didnt know me that well.
and i would find white lies to tell. like with juan i would lie to him and tell him all these guys were hitting on me and tell him that this guy asked me to dinner.
i think it was more for the fact that i wanted attention from him. they are never huge wopping lies. except when i was in elementary school and i told my whole class my grandpa was on the titanic. then i told them that he was one of the origional colony men for america.
i see now that it was for attention. i am sure of it. my parents never gave a shit. and neither did kids at school.
but the worst compulsion i have is eating.
i was just thinking the other day because we passed this subway. i went to a quicky mart and then headed to this subway. i told myself i should start eating better and so i gave the girl at the window my kit kat because i already ate my cinnamon bun. its ridiculous. my family, " well i over eat too honey" "HA! no you dont go from fast food place to the next because you just WANT to eat not because your full and need to stop"
it was so embarassing and at the same time relieving that i told my aunt i just would do that all the time. im like EVERYONE!! I HAVE AN EATING ADDICTION!!- --- it feels like people will laugh at me and say no, you just like food a lot.
sorry. i hate it when people will down play my situations.
last night dustin made popcorn. popcorn was one of my most favorite foods (next to pizza, cheesecake and beer)
that i had to give up. so i think i took up coffee instead LOLOLOLOLLOl
well, he was eating this pop corn right in front of me and even though it smelled so fucking delish! i still had not even eaten one bite.
oooohhh nice yesterday im at 190 and today im at 195 ha ha ha stupid water. i ate quite a bit of avocado. i need to stop eating so much cado.
well im proud of myself for not eating anything bad and staying on track for 21 days. i never want to see 200 on the scale for me again. ever. 200 is a number i will never accept. ever.
i have to drive all the way to sandy today for my 2 hour client. drive 30 minutes, for 22 bucks. i dont know. i have class this weekend and i know i need to read.
nick, dustins cousin is an alcoholic and he's pissing me off way bad.
the plan here is to make as much money until sarah goes to school so they can move into a rental house or something
worse case scenario we rent an apartment and we have to put his things in storage.
well aparently nick was drunk when he went to work the other day. nick and dustin were play fighting and nick got some bruising on his back. it was fairly shocking since it looked pretty bad.
well all nick does is drink. and since JUNE he has lost 30 lbs. and its mid september. its a lot of weight to lose.
and all he does is drink. so he had these aweful bruises. well dustins mom calls and is like "what did you do to him!!>?!?!" and he said we were just fucking around and she gets pissy with him. its stupid because that means when marilyn went to nicks work to see him he fucking pulled up his shirt and was like look at what dustin did to me.
i fucking hate nick i hate that i have to live with him. i fantasize sometimes that he doesnt live with us and it makes me so much happier.
i didnt tell dustin this but the reason why im having the new place in my name is so that I can be the one to say no nick cannot live with us.
dustins mom always gives him the guilt trip about everything. one minute she's like i cant stand him!! get him out of here!!
and the next he's on board and she's like oh wait give him another chance. i dont really care for her.
she is wishy washy. if you have something on your mind speak it but be respectful. one time she got on my nerves and was like whoa take a chill pill ok sheesh. im like whatever you just fucking barked up my goddamn tree and im not saying shit because he loves you so i had to be the better person.
she and nick both pick fights with people just to fight. im not looking forward to the hollidays. well ok, i am and im not. i will be super skinny by holiday time and im not looking forward to it because i dont want anything to do with his fucked up family.
he hates his family too. he loves mine though which is cool.
but he's so stressed out.
i love him i would do a lot for him
weight loss_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
ketones were way up there yesterday VERY HIGH
i drank a lot of water at night, kept waking up to piss all the time though. this morning i had morning star sausage and eggs. which equals around 2-3 net carbs.
lunch i might just come home and nap im tired and i need to study for my class tomorrow.
and laundry too. dustin is sick i hope he gets well soon though.
well, today im going to lay off the cheese a bit and hopefully the water weight can chill out.
i go through olive oil like no ones business.
dinner i would love some salmon.
i've been using aloe vera on my skin lately my face broke out. i just need to remember water weight around TOM is a BITCH!!!
and i should not pay attention to it.
maybe i should just weigh in once a month HAHA HA AH i really met someone on here that did that!!
well im proud of myself and cannot wait until i hit 180. at the end of the month i hope i get there. easy on sodium though :) have a great day because i know i will!!!
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