day two induction

got passed day one. the first and second days have always been easy. the third day sucks. my face feels really warm and i dont know why. perhaps because of green tea did it knock my body into ketosis faster? now i got the weird breath but only slightly. my face  is really hot. it was very hot yesterday.
i will have to drink more water today since last night i drank some rum. i am so glad the rum has no carbs it.
awwwwhhhhh ahahahahahhaahhahhhah YAYAYAYAYAYY!!!! 202.3!!!!
yesterday i weighed myself at 207.8!! aww my gad!!
few things though... fiber fiber fiber!
coffee
awww thank god i feel so relieved. yesterday i cried to my boyfriend because i felt like a huge bitch. by huge bitch i mean a fat t-rex.
im so hard on myself because that is the only way i can get up the motivation to actually do something about it.
if i ever see 180 again im going to be so happy. who would have thought that it would be a damn roller costar.
i need to keep remembering that i am doing this for life. no easy way out and i know that will frustrate me so bad. and it has kept me from continuing. i know that this is a life change yet i just want an easy way to get me to my goal.
arrrggg....
so what i need to remember is that instead of feeling like "oh cant i be bad since i just lost 100 lbs"? i need to think to myself "remember when you made that promise to yourself to always eat healthy"?
thats what triggered it, i was so depressed about juan, my grandma and my dad and pressure to make things right with my mom for my grandpas sake, that i gave up on that.
its taking a lot of strength to get to my mindset now and see the failured attempts of weight loss again.
i get tired of seeing the scale go up and down and UP and down AND UP AND UP and then i cry because people are not calling me skinny any more and i am not getting attention like i used to .
to be frank, dustin's ex girlfriend was fat. and i feel like i am her.
i dont know where this comes from. i feel like he deserves a skinny ass girlfriend. i feel like i deserve to be that skinny ass for him.
i know its taking a lot of strength to get myself out of the poor me category and start helping my soul rather than helping me stuff my self wrong.
now more than ever, i need to be strong for me. i need to get my shit together and start becoming the woman i  was seeking to be. I remember when i was living on my own on foothill dr, that i looked at myself and was like i have finally become the woman i wanted to become. now im like thinking where did she go. i will not feel sorry for myself any more. I am ready to accept that this will take hard work and discipline. that instead of looking at it like i have a life time of "no thanks i dont eat cake" or "can you please put the dressing on the side" or " thanks for the candy, but i dont eat it"
i need to look at it like all that shit is shit. not healthy. why put garbage in my body? why, if my body is organic, that i would put refined shit in it?
the fact is i needed to get to the root of why i started eating nasty again.
i want to make a promise to myself i have 2 months until one of my favorite holidays. Halloween. i want to be sexy. i will be skinny. i have 2 months. and then for christmas, i have 4 months. i can get to 170 by the end of the year. but what if i want to reach my goal by the end of the year? help from hcg and atkins will have to be it.
im going to do 2 weeks of induction and then use hcg with atkins after my two weeks. i kind of feel like i would have to hide my shit from my boyfriend so i do not get ridiculed for what i choose to do.
any way, i am going to use september as a trial month.
sept 11th i should be 195- 190 i would love to see 190. the way i can get there is if after my 3 days of trying to get into ketosis i go and work out.
and i work out every day. then another 2 weeks i could hit 180 so be at 180 by end of september. then another 2 weeks, be at 170 and by halloween i could see 160 perhaps in november i could see 150
its pretty fast but i need to get a grip. these are unrealistic goals. then i challenge myself .