p2 d2

so ... here i am last night i wanted to cave in so fucking bad. but i didnt. i wanted cheese fries and i wanted take out food. i wanted the works. today seems ok so far since ive only been up for 45 min. ha ha ha. i took it first thing so i can wait the half hour before having my coffee. also i noticed that i usually dont care WHEN i take the hhcg. maybe that is the reason for being so fucking hungry all the time. well and it is day 2 so no hunger yet.
i am going to be more stern about taking it 1/2 hr before meals as directed.
i am  so excited to see what that scale says. i cant wait!!. yesterday it read 196.4
and today i noticed on my face it already looks slimmer. i have had to ppoopp like a ton this morning. even before the coffee i needed to take a crap. my tongue is not black any more. im wondering if i just accidentally sprinkled some makeup on my toothbrush or what.

any way, the second bottle of hcg came for cody. he is so pumped to lose weight. im so happy!!
i am happy because he wants to lose the weight and be healthy and be a good role model for his little girl. which i find sweet. so amber is going to do hcg as well but not til after easter. which i dont blame her. im hoping this stuff will already kick in full swing by the time easter is out and about.
so my weigh in was 196.4 and im going to go weigh in in a bit maybe after my coffee and i get moving around a bit. 196 sucks. but thats my after load weight. my pre load weight was 190.
ill have to say i am very proud of my self for not eating anything im not supposed to last night. i was really scared of myself. i pulled out some bean burger patties and i was going to make some tacos for myself. and i opened the box and i remember thinking " you went this whole day being good and your gonna fuck it up for some instant gratification?" then i remember "oh screw it just get back on track tomorrow" then thinking " you know if you say that, when will you ever get back on track??" and thats the thing, getting back on track takes forever!! thats like me taking one step forward but stepping back a year. because whenever i do atkins or something im usually doing pretty good for 2 days then jump off the band wagon and have to suffer with crazy ass cravings and say oh whatever i will get through it tomorrow. buckle down tomorrow. always putting shit off when its important. and i find that now as im writing this, that there are other things in my life that i do that with too! like paying my bills and finishing my class requirements. its bs. i need to stop it. wow. this clarity is great. im constantly learning. now this lesson is called, "leave instant gratification out of it"
how long can i go without something? i remember sitting on the couch last night after making the kids food and chugging my water saying to myself "c,mon its not the hardest thing you've ever had to endure!" then thinking "just go to bed so you dont have to worry about eating"
im obsessed with food. i know if i was living at my ex's still i would have wanted to gorge out of my mind on food. anything and everything.  then the guilt. i need to start asking myself if the guilt is worth it. because usually its not at all. i weighed it in my brain last night " a few seconds it takes for you to eat that, or another WHOLE day of torture? or another WHOLE day under your belt of things accomplished?  :)
its crazy how my brain is working now. i think im finally am starting to understand the benefits of holding off instant gratification. my weigh in today is 192.6 that is a 3.8 lb loss in one day. tomorrow im wondering what i will see. another 4 lbs loss? if so that would leave me at 188. that will be the lowest i have seen on HHCG.
its just going to add up now. its just going to be pound after pound after pound. this is fucking great!!
im so happy i didnt fuck it up.
tomorrow is what is keeping me from instant gratification. at this rate... im thinking of just losing 2 lbs per day i will be at 175 in about a week??? so thats saying by next friday i could lose 17 lbs.