its 5pm and im kind of lost this steam a bit.... i noticed yesterday i had a dip like this in my energy.
http://hcgplease.blogspot.com/2011/03/first-and-foremost.html
this is my new blog. its about hcg. and kind of like a journal for people who are on hcg.
i cannot wait until tomorrow. i have work at 3 pm tomorrow and i have an over the phone interview at 11 am.
so i need to fix up my resume i have a lot to look forward to tomorrow.
its tuesday i could go see cody after work but im not sure if i am going to. i kind of want to go through the week even til next tuesday and see if he would notice a difference and actually go on a romantic date with him. i want to see what size ill be wearing next tuesday :P
wow that is a whole week and im supposed to lose 14 lbs then! i would be at 173!!! holy shit!! thats a big difference! he hasnt even seen me at 180 let alone lower 170's??
wow i cant wait!!
so i just cut up cucumbers and used salsa to dip them in. i also ate my melba toast with my salsa and it was sooooo delicious.
so instead of using tortilla chips i used cucumbers.
i want food though. cravings are still around. :/
the other night. well night one i guess. i really really really wanted a foot long meatball sandwich with extra cheddar cheese and on zesty parm bread. then i had a craving last night for a meatball sandwich but it wasnt as bad. i only wanted a 6 inch meatball. then today i just wanted a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
yesterday i was nuts over pickles! and then today i had eaten pickle chips with mustard kind of reminding me of a burger. not a meat burger but like a veggie burger...
i miss food. but its only been since 6 pm that i got wanting to eat something.
having cravings for food. i think i need more water through the day. but it was kind of hard for me to drink my water today since it was so busy at work.
peanut butter on wheat bread with fresh raspberry jam sounds really nice right now.
im drinking my water with fiber.
damn i want this pb and j sandwich with heavy peanut butter! thick extra thick peanut butter.
so it hasnt been that i was craving sweets. im so proud of myself for this being day 4. tomorrow is day 5!!!
down another 2 lbs???? we'll see.
im to be continuing this to my next blog.................... its been good.
heaviest
Monday, March 21, 2011
80% p2d4
i feel like its ok for me to upgrade to 80% from 70% this will be some of the few last blogs i do for weight loss because i want to start a new one for just HCG. i cannot believe its already day 4 of this. i have not even looked back!! i have been so good and staying on track. i wake up earlier, i feel good. i am burning ketones like a bamf.
i was checking them last night and they read moderate to high. then this morning my breath reeeeeeks and my face is so hott. i was not too happy about seeing only a .6 drop in my weight for yesterday.
i have not been sticking to it. at work i have been touching pam and grease so that might have a play in this. i didnt eat my apples yesterday. :/ i know i need to.
im hoping that today when i get on the scale that it reads 190 would be so nice to see. im worried about a stall.
i woke up really really thirsty. i am so fucking thirsty right now im like chugging my coffee. wow. also last night was prob not a good idea to weigh in since i have been drinking so much water! im guzzling it!!
today i am going to set up my new HCG blog.
i think im going to add some video to this. i found this
http://diets.fast-weightloss-plans.org/2011/03/19/day-13-of-the-hcg-diet-protocol-by-dr-simeons-kevin-trudeau-energy-and-euphoria/
and i was interested in figuring out something....
yesterday i got stoned with cody :P and i was sitting and just could not fucking stop moving. i needed to go for a walk. i needed to do something physical. so he and i both went to the park and walked and walked around the neighborhood. it was great i dont know what that was all about. i was on my feet all day from work 8 hrs. and then i wanted to keep standing and moving and we even went on the swings! i had so much energy!! and it was only day 3!! bizzaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeee
i hope my weight loss today is a good one. i want to get on that scale and see a good decent loss.
i will still be ok with just 1 lb loss but hell even a .5 is good. "how else do you lose a half pound?!"
any way im worried about all the walking i did yesterday i didnt eat my apples i did great! but i wasnt hungry for my apples. i am not hungry! im gonna take a shower here in a bit. then i will weigh in.
cody really wants to go shopping for his food so he can start this.
i am so happy he wants to start. i think his weight is 250 and he's about 5'10 i believe. i need to start running again. i think i can do it while on this diet. i have read that if you already have an exercise regimin you can exercise.
man i cant tell you how much criticism i have gotten for this protocol
so i have lost another 4 lbs. i am so fucking happy. today i lost 4 pounds holy shit!!!!!
4 lbs!!!!!!
aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
wow i am so happy!!!
this stuff really works oh my god. i dont even feel like i need to stop i could just stay on this for ever this is so amazing!!!!
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! 4 lbs!!!!!!! holy moly!!!! so its not even the start of the day so in three days i have lost 8.5 lbs.
i feel great! i am at 187.9 as of this morning. i will blog more later i need to start my new blog on hcg!
i wonder what tomorrow brings... another 4 lbs?? if so that would put me at 183?
wow then at the end of this week ill be which is only another 3-4 days i will be at 179 my lowest weight i have seen. that is only at a rate of 2 lbs per day.
then at another week (gotta stay on for at least 3 weeks) in 2 weeks by losing 2 lbs per day that is 14 lbs. so at the end of this 21 day round i think i will be at a 173 lb victory.
i dont know if i want to stop there. maybe i want to keep going. i think maybe 4 weeks?
then i can be at 159?? maybe maybe maybe. this is so awesome im so happy with the weight loss. im so excited for the next weeks progress. i cant wait to see tomorrow. tomorrow if i lose another 2 lbs i will be at my lowest weight that i have seen in a little while if i lost 4 lbs if i got to 184 that will be the lowest weight i have seen in ages. like since before october of last year!!
incredible. i feel so awesome!!. i love this i love this losing weight!! im so happy. when i get to see 170's im going to celebrate by getting my hair done. maybe when i see 160 i dont even know what i would look like at 170. 180 i think i looked great. 170 i hope i dont look weird. i love this and cannot wait to start blogging about my other stuff!!! HCG is working wonderfully!!!
i was checking them last night and they read moderate to high. then this morning my breath reeeeeeks and my face is so hott. i was not too happy about seeing only a .6 drop in my weight for yesterday.
i have not been sticking to it. at work i have been touching pam and grease so that might have a play in this. i didnt eat my apples yesterday. :/ i know i need to.
im hoping that today when i get on the scale that it reads 190 would be so nice to see. im worried about a stall.
i woke up really really thirsty. i am so fucking thirsty right now im like chugging my coffee. wow. also last night was prob not a good idea to weigh in since i have been drinking so much water! im guzzling it!!
today i am going to set up my new HCG blog.
i think im going to add some video to this. i found this
http://diets.fast-weightloss-plans.org/2011/03/19/day-13-of-the-hcg-diet-protocol-by-dr-simeons-kevin-trudeau-energy-and-euphoria/
and i was interested in figuring out something....
yesterday i got stoned with cody :P and i was sitting and just could not fucking stop moving. i needed to go for a walk. i needed to do something physical. so he and i both went to the park and walked and walked around the neighborhood. it was great i dont know what that was all about. i was on my feet all day from work 8 hrs. and then i wanted to keep standing and moving and we even went on the swings! i had so much energy!! and it was only day 3!! bizzaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeee
i hope my weight loss today is a good one. i want to get on that scale and see a good decent loss.
i will still be ok with just 1 lb loss but hell even a .5 is good. "how else do you lose a half pound?!"
any way im worried about all the walking i did yesterday i didnt eat my apples i did great! but i wasnt hungry for my apples. i am not hungry! im gonna take a shower here in a bit. then i will weigh in.
cody really wants to go shopping for his food so he can start this.
i am so happy he wants to start. i think his weight is 250 and he's about 5'10 i believe. i need to start running again. i think i can do it while on this diet. i have read that if you already have an exercise regimin you can exercise.
man i cant tell you how much criticism i have gotten for this protocol
so i have lost another 4 lbs. i am so fucking happy. today i lost 4 pounds holy shit!!!!!
4 lbs!!!!!!
aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
wow i am so happy!!!
this stuff really works oh my god. i dont even feel like i need to stop i could just stay on this for ever this is so amazing!!!!
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! 4 lbs!!!!!!! holy moly!!!! so its not even the start of the day so in three days i have lost 8.5 lbs.
i feel great! i am at 187.9 as of this morning. i will blog more later i need to start my new blog on hcg!
i wonder what tomorrow brings... another 4 lbs?? if so that would put me at 183?
wow then at the end of this week ill be which is only another 3-4 days i will be at 179 my lowest weight i have seen. that is only at a rate of 2 lbs per day.
then at another week (gotta stay on for at least 3 weeks) in 2 weeks by losing 2 lbs per day that is 14 lbs. so at the end of this 21 day round i think i will be at a 173 lb victory.
i dont know if i want to stop there. maybe i want to keep going. i think maybe 4 weeks?
then i can be at 159?? maybe maybe maybe. this is so awesome im so happy with the weight loss. im so excited for the next weeks progress. i cant wait to see tomorrow. tomorrow if i lose another 2 lbs i will be at my lowest weight that i have seen in a little while if i lost 4 lbs if i got to 184 that will be the lowest weight i have seen in ages. like since before october of last year!!
incredible. i feel so awesome!!. i love this i love this losing weight!! im so happy. when i get to see 170's im going to celebrate by getting my hair done. maybe when i see 160 i dont even know what i would look like at 170. 180 i think i looked great. 170 i hope i dont look weird. i love this and cannot wait to start blogging about my other stuff!!! HCG is working wonderfully!!!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
p2d3
oh boy oh boyo! so its in the AM and im just waking up and gonna move around a bit. im drinking some coffee and bloggin away! woot woot. i checked my urine on the ketone strips and i am burning them at a really good rate. i over indulged in my melba toast last night. god i was fantasizing about food again. i wanted a meat ball sandwich on zesty parmasean bread with goooey cheese and extra sauce. ohh man thats aweful. now im back in the mind set where i miss atkins. well already i am noticing that my colar bone is sticking out more.
im hungry a bit right now.but not anything coffee couldnt help. oh my god i love drinking coffee
i did not stray on the diet. i stayed good except for the toast but shit at least its the toast and not beer or something right?? im proud of myself today is day three and i was wanting food so bad again last night. i almost wanted to just go downstairs and eat and gorge on all the chips there and whatever. ooooh its march 20th. april 6th will be 20 days on hcg and i want to go at least 3 weeks on it. 3 weeks is 21 days. so i at least want that.
im expecting to see a stall on the scale today. last night i weighed in at 193.4 but i DRANK SO MUCH FUCKING WATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 3 liters yesterday im sure. i drank tea and coffee i had some diet soda.
im still expecting to see some progress but not like yesterdays 192.0 i got down that far yesterday afternoon. i was so surprised. so if i see 191.0 i need to be ok with that. i need to understand that it is a 1 lb per day diet not a fucking 4 lbs loss days every day all the time. i will be impatient if i see 192. and or 193. this mean s war ha ha ha.
last night i felt sooooo good i felt like i was having this sense of wholesomeness within me. god damn this coffee is good.
i felt that euphoria for sure. i smoked some weed last night and it hightened my high. i did go to a poker party last night and there was a shit ton of alcohol. i didnt have anything to drink. i was so happy that i didnt feel like i had to have it. i got to go into work. i need to weigh myself. im nervous. i have to poop but it will take a while for the coffee to kick in. AND i havent really moved around a whole bit so i dont know how accurate this is gonna be. i am so proud of myself for sticking true for 2 whole days. it sounds dumb but this is the hardest diet i have ever tried. my aunt is really concerned for me about only having 500 calories. and she has every right to be concerned i agree with her, but she has not read anything on it. all she knows is its 500 calories and a "DRUG" you take.today is day three. i feel good. i only went to bed at 230 am last night i was able to jump out of bed today . i am curious if im still burning ketones.
my face feels hot my body is starting to move around. i love the feeling im getting off this. im not high but its so weird to say. im going to be late to work fuck them.
i was talking to cody last night about it and he is willing to try it still. i text him yesterday about my loss and he was happy for me. he has lost 5 lbs in the last week or so i am so happy for him.
weigh in today is 190.8!!!
im hungry a bit right now.but not anything coffee couldnt help. oh my god i love drinking coffee
i did not stray on the diet. i stayed good except for the toast but shit at least its the toast and not beer or something right?? im proud of myself today is day three and i was wanting food so bad again last night. i almost wanted to just go downstairs and eat and gorge on all the chips there and whatever. ooooh its march 20th. april 6th will be 20 days on hcg and i want to go at least 3 weeks on it. 3 weeks is 21 days. so i at least want that.
im expecting to see a stall on the scale today. last night i weighed in at 193.4 but i DRANK SO MUCH FUCKING WATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 3 liters yesterday im sure. i drank tea and coffee i had some diet soda.
im still expecting to see some progress but not like yesterdays 192.0 i got down that far yesterday afternoon. i was so surprised. so if i see 191.0 i need to be ok with that. i need to understand that it is a 1 lb per day diet not a fucking 4 lbs loss days every day all the time. i will be impatient if i see 192. and or 193. this mean s war ha ha ha.
last night i felt sooooo good i felt like i was having this sense of wholesomeness within me. god damn this coffee is good.
i felt that euphoria for sure. i smoked some weed last night and it hightened my high. i did go to a poker party last night and there was a shit ton of alcohol. i didnt have anything to drink. i was so happy that i didnt feel like i had to have it. i got to go into work. i need to weigh myself. im nervous. i have to poop but it will take a while for the coffee to kick in. AND i havent really moved around a whole bit so i dont know how accurate this is gonna be. i am so proud of myself for sticking true for 2 whole days. it sounds dumb but this is the hardest diet i have ever tried. my aunt is really concerned for me about only having 500 calories. and she has every right to be concerned i agree with her, but she has not read anything on it. all she knows is its 500 calories and a "DRUG" you take.today is day three. i feel good. i only went to bed at 230 am last night i was able to jump out of bed today . i am curious if im still burning ketones.
my face feels hot my body is starting to move around. i love the feeling im getting off this. im not high but its so weird to say. im going to be late to work fuck them.
i was talking to cody last night about it and he is willing to try it still. i text him yesterday about my loss and he was happy for me. he has lost 5 lbs in the last week or so i am so happy for him.
weigh in today is 190.8!!!
Saturday, March 19, 2011
p2 d2
so ... here i am last night i wanted to cave in so fucking bad. but i didnt. i wanted cheese fries and i wanted take out food. i wanted the works. today seems ok so far since ive only been up for 45 min. ha ha ha. i took it first thing so i can wait the half hour before having my coffee. also i noticed that i usually dont care WHEN i take the hhcg. maybe that is the reason for being so fucking hungry all the time. well and it is day 2 so no hunger yet.
i am going to be more stern about taking it 1/2 hr before meals as directed.
i am so excited to see what that scale says. i cant wait!!. yesterday it read 196.4
and today i noticed on my face it already looks slimmer. i have had to ppoopp like a ton this morning. even before the coffee i needed to take a crap. my tongue is not black any more. im wondering if i just accidentally sprinkled some makeup on my toothbrush or what.
any way, the second bottle of hcg came for cody. he is so pumped to lose weight. im so happy!!
i am happy because he wants to lose the weight and be healthy and be a good role model for his little girl. which i find sweet. so amber is going to do hcg as well but not til after easter. which i dont blame her. im hoping this stuff will already kick in full swing by the time easter is out and about.
so my weigh in was 196.4 and im going to go weigh in in a bit maybe after my coffee and i get moving around a bit. 196 sucks. but thats my after load weight. my pre load weight was 190.
ill have to say i am very proud of my self for not eating anything im not supposed to last night. i was really scared of myself. i pulled out some bean burger patties and i was going to make some tacos for myself. and i opened the box and i remember thinking " you went this whole day being good and your gonna fuck it up for some instant gratification?" then i remember "oh screw it just get back on track tomorrow" then thinking " you know if you say that, when will you ever get back on track??" and thats the thing, getting back on track takes forever!! thats like me taking one step forward but stepping back a year. because whenever i do atkins or something im usually doing pretty good for 2 days then jump off the band wagon and have to suffer with crazy ass cravings and say oh whatever i will get through it tomorrow. buckle down tomorrow. always putting shit off when its important. and i find that now as im writing this, that there are other things in my life that i do that with too! like paying my bills and finishing my class requirements. its bs. i need to stop it. wow. this clarity is great. im constantly learning. now this lesson is called, "leave instant gratification out of it"
how long can i go without something? i remember sitting on the couch last night after making the kids food and chugging my water saying to myself "c,mon its not the hardest thing you've ever had to endure!" then thinking "just go to bed so you dont have to worry about eating"
im obsessed with food. i know if i was living at my ex's still i would have wanted to gorge out of my mind on food. anything and everything. then the guilt. i need to start asking myself if the guilt is worth it. because usually its not at all. i weighed it in my brain last night " a few seconds it takes for you to eat that, or another WHOLE day of torture? or another WHOLE day under your belt of things accomplished? :)
its crazy how my brain is working now. i think im finally am starting to understand the benefits of holding off instant gratification. my weigh in today is 192.6 that is a 3.8 lb loss in one day. tomorrow im wondering what i will see. another 4 lbs loss? if so that would leave me at 188. that will be the lowest i have seen on HHCG.
its just going to add up now. its just going to be pound after pound after pound. this is fucking great!!
im so happy i didnt fuck it up.
tomorrow is what is keeping me from instant gratification. at this rate... im thinking of just losing 2 lbs per day i will be at 175 in about a week??? so thats saying by next friday i could lose 17 lbs.
i am going to be more stern about taking it 1/2 hr before meals as directed.
i am so excited to see what that scale says. i cant wait!!. yesterday it read 196.4
and today i noticed on my face it already looks slimmer. i have had to ppoopp like a ton this morning. even before the coffee i needed to take a crap. my tongue is not black any more. im wondering if i just accidentally sprinkled some makeup on my toothbrush or what.
any way, the second bottle of hcg came for cody. he is so pumped to lose weight. im so happy!!
i am happy because he wants to lose the weight and be healthy and be a good role model for his little girl. which i find sweet. so amber is going to do hcg as well but not til after easter. which i dont blame her. im hoping this stuff will already kick in full swing by the time easter is out and about.
so my weigh in was 196.4 and im going to go weigh in in a bit maybe after my coffee and i get moving around a bit. 196 sucks. but thats my after load weight. my pre load weight was 190.
ill have to say i am very proud of my self for not eating anything im not supposed to last night. i was really scared of myself. i pulled out some bean burger patties and i was going to make some tacos for myself. and i opened the box and i remember thinking " you went this whole day being good and your gonna fuck it up for some instant gratification?" then i remember "oh screw it just get back on track tomorrow" then thinking " you know if you say that, when will you ever get back on track??" and thats the thing, getting back on track takes forever!! thats like me taking one step forward but stepping back a year. because whenever i do atkins or something im usually doing pretty good for 2 days then jump off the band wagon and have to suffer with crazy ass cravings and say oh whatever i will get through it tomorrow. buckle down tomorrow. always putting shit off when its important. and i find that now as im writing this, that there are other things in my life that i do that with too! like paying my bills and finishing my class requirements. its bs. i need to stop it. wow. this clarity is great. im constantly learning. now this lesson is called, "leave instant gratification out of it"
how long can i go without something? i remember sitting on the couch last night after making the kids food and chugging my water saying to myself "c,mon its not the hardest thing you've ever had to endure!" then thinking "just go to bed so you dont have to worry about eating"
im obsessed with food. i know if i was living at my ex's still i would have wanted to gorge out of my mind on food. anything and everything. then the guilt. i need to start asking myself if the guilt is worth it. because usually its not at all. i weighed it in my brain last night " a few seconds it takes for you to eat that, or another WHOLE day of torture? or another WHOLE day under your belt of things accomplished? :)
its crazy how my brain is working now. i think im finally am starting to understand the benefits of holding off instant gratification. my weigh in today is 192.6 that is a 3.8 lb loss in one day. tomorrow im wondering what i will see. another 4 lbs loss? if so that would leave me at 188. that will be the lowest i have seen on HHCG.
its just going to add up now. its just going to be pound after pound after pound. this is fucking great!!
im so happy i didnt fuck it up.
tomorrow is what is keeping me from instant gratification. at this rate... im thinking of just losing 2 lbs per day i will be at 175 in about a week??? so thats saying by next friday i could lose 17 lbs.
Friday, March 18, 2011
p2 d1 hcg
I want to say thank you to my friend Amber who is so positive and always there for me. I'm Doing HCG again.
I am interested in how this will work out this time since im not under the amount of stress I was when I first tried HCG.
Today is the first day after my load days. It's 5 pm and I havent eaten my fruit yet and im having some tea. I was starting to get cravings of food while reading Low Carb Friends forum. ha ha ha. so i decided that i need to concentrate on other things rather than food. so i decided im going to paint. I need to get painting on a peacock for my friend. So I need to clean my room. put my laundry away and upload some pictures. i already made a play list for someone special.! i've been feeling a bit like on air right now. like it comes and goes. im just sitting here and im a bit tired so im drinking green tea and my stomach is gurrrrgling. i just feel light. i dont know how to describe it at all.besides im feeling light. im glad im doing this again.
its gonna suck because i have had my hours cut at work so i might be bored all the time at home. eh... im gonna get back on track with my hobbies again. poo.
I am interested in how this will work out this time since im not under the amount of stress I was when I first tried HCG.
Today is the first day after my load days. It's 5 pm and I havent eaten my fruit yet and im having some tea. I was starting to get cravings of food while reading Low Carb Friends forum. ha ha ha. so i decided that i need to concentrate on other things rather than food. so i decided im going to paint. I need to get painting on a peacock for my friend. So I need to clean my room. put my laundry away and upload some pictures. i already made a play list for someone special.! i've been feeling a bit like on air right now. like it comes and goes. im just sitting here and im a bit tired so im drinking green tea and my stomach is gurrrrgling. i just feel light. i dont know how to describe it at all.besides im feeling light. im glad im doing this again.
its gonna suck because i have had my hours cut at work so i might be bored all the time at home. eh... im gonna get back on track with my hobbies again. poo.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
lent...
so i decided to give up some things for lent. i decided i should probably give up cheese, eggs, dairy dressings, etc... and kind of do a vegan thing for 40 days. so today i had some salads. tomorrow for breakfast im gonna do broccoli and veggies galore!! this might be bad on me to do this. im not really looking forward to it. maybe i need to give up something else instead. my diet is already pretty strict. we'll see. maybe i should just give up cheese. i know i have an issue with food could you tell??
i got to see cody tonight. it was nice. i got into some trouble with my family about seeing him. i need to finish my classes and get into college. i need a new job that pays more. and pay for the marathon. yikes still havent done that.
then i need to think about changing my goal weight. i dont think i want to weigh 153. i think that might be too small for me. i dont want to look off. i weighed in today @ 194 i think. i have not been good the last couple of weeks. i have been eating crappy and this water weight is on. i can feel it. so new goal is to just get to 180 and then 170. thats it
i got to see cody tonight. it was nice. i got into some trouble with my family about seeing him. i need to finish my classes and get into college. i need a new job that pays more. and pay for the marathon. yikes still havent done that.
then i need to think about changing my goal weight. i dont think i want to weigh 153. i think that might be too small for me. i dont want to look off. i weighed in today @ 194 i think. i have not been good the last couple of weeks. i have been eating crappy and this water weight is on. i can feel it. so new goal is to just get to 180 and then 170. thats it
Sunday, February 13, 2011
holy crap
ran 6 miles today in 68 minutes.
i weighed in today at 187- i have not been drinking that much water lately.
last night the nightmares were kind of bad. i had 3 in a row. and an earth quake today.
any way tomorrow is my day off. of running thank goodness.
i weighed in today at 187- i have not been drinking that much water lately.
last night the nightmares were kind of bad. i had 3 in a row. and an earth quake today.
any way tomorrow is my day off. of running thank goodness.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
oh boy oh boy... marathon
so i've gotten a lot of stress out of my life now. and the weight seems to be coming off. i dont have any time any more to be writing. it makes me a bit sad but im going to write even if its just a paragraph. i wanna keep going on my other blog as well. the as seen on tv one. i loved writing on that one.
jeez i had a weird dream last night. so weird.
any way atkins is going way great, was having a problem with the cheese. so i tried a day with out it and that went good. then i got into my veggies a bit more. more water and fiber. i drink coffee every morning and i have had drinks, but they have not affected my weight loss. yesterday i ran 2 miles today i shoot for 4 because its on my routine now. tomorrow i have class AND a 6 mile run. monday i have off.
http://www.utahvalleymarathon.com/
thats the website for the marathon. i've been doing very well. lost a pant size, now im back to a 14 and i can fit snugly into a 12 size skirt.
shirts fit better!! anxiety is down a bit. but it gets up there during TOM. i have some radical music on my ipod to pump me up for running.
lots of techno or i just do katie perry.
so i got a car, got back into classes, im working, and live in lehi so its been really quite busy. its not even the big things its the little things. i havent even been able to hang out with some friends let alone talk to them. it makes me feel bad. but my uncle tells me that i should be more focused on work and school. he is right. shit. i need to find a balance. next goal.
jeez i had a weird dream last night. so weird.
any way atkins is going way great, was having a problem with the cheese. so i tried a day with out it and that went good. then i got into my veggies a bit more. more water and fiber. i drink coffee every morning and i have had drinks, but they have not affected my weight loss. yesterday i ran 2 miles today i shoot for 4 because its on my routine now. tomorrow i have class AND a 6 mile run. monday i have off.
http://www.utahvalleymarathon.com/
thats the website for the marathon. i've been doing very well. lost a pant size, now im back to a 14 and i can fit snugly into a 12 size skirt.
shirts fit better!! anxiety is down a bit. but it gets up there during TOM. i have some radical music on my ipod to pump me up for running.
lots of techno or i just do katie perry.
so i got a car, got back into classes, im working, and live in lehi so its been really quite busy. its not even the big things its the little things. i havent even been able to hang out with some friends let alone talk to them. it makes me feel bad. but my uncle tells me that i should be more focused on work and school. he is right. shit. i need to find a balance. next goal.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
wow
so i have been running a lot lately. i've been using this lipodrene but i think i have become acustomed to it. so now i had to up what the dose i was taking.
im constipated. LOL. i have been eating way too much fucking cheese. so today my goal is to not eat any god dang cheese today. i think i may have taken too much of this stuff. woops. i feel jittery and shaky.
i drank coffee with it too my bad.
lame., im awake though! i weighed myself at 199 today which is bs. but its because i havent been taking my milk thistle correctly. god im waiting to hear back from this guy i met online. he is in the navy.
he wrote this to me:
I hope I am not being a bother but you are honestly the most beautiful woman I have ever seen! How on earth are you single? I know its cheesy but you are truly the epitome of beautiful! I would absolutely love to get to know you if you were at all interested. If so email me at
I am out to sea right now so the internet is really slow.
he seems really sweet! i cant wait to hear back from him. i really cant. its like were hitting it off really well. i met this other guy online too. he seems like a sleez though.
any way.
finally my stomach is starting to feel better. my face broke out so much i dont know whats up. maybe its because im getting detoxed or something.
so last night i put toothpaste on my face so that it could clear up and i didnt wear makeup today besides eye liner and mascara. so my face could have a chance to breath.
its oily jesus so oily. im going to try and go today with out cheese. then i am going to drink an extra liter of water today. jesus im shaky too. good god. so shaky.
im hoping when i get home i can weigh in and see where im at. my goal for this month is to lose ten pounds. so to be 180 by the start of march. then by the start of april be down to 170. my chest hurts.
im constipated. LOL. i have been eating way too much fucking cheese. so today my goal is to not eat any god dang cheese today. i think i may have taken too much of this stuff. woops. i feel jittery and shaky.
i drank coffee with it too my bad.
lame., im awake though! i weighed myself at 199 today which is bs. but its because i havent been taking my milk thistle correctly. god im waiting to hear back from this guy i met online. he is in the navy.
he wrote this to me:
I hope I am not being a bother but you are honestly the most beautiful woman I have ever seen! How on earth are you single? I know its cheesy but you are truly the epitome of beautiful! I would absolutely love to get to know you if you were at all interested. If so email me at
I am out to sea right now so the internet is really slow.
he seems really sweet! i cant wait to hear back from him. i really cant. its like were hitting it off really well. i met this other guy online too. he seems like a sleez though.
any way.
finally my stomach is starting to feel better. my face broke out so much i dont know whats up. maybe its because im getting detoxed or something.
so last night i put toothpaste on my face so that it could clear up and i didnt wear makeup today besides eye liner and mascara. so my face could have a chance to breath.
its oily jesus so oily. im going to try and go today with out cheese. then i am going to drink an extra liter of water today. jesus im shaky too. good god. so shaky.
im hoping when i get home i can weigh in and see where im at. my goal for this month is to lose ten pounds. so to be 180 by the start of march. then by the start of april be down to 170. my chest hurts.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
oi 1 week 1 day on induction
last night i slept very well. i woke up slow but refreshed. now im sipping coffee n blogging :) i have a coffee date with this guy named greg. he is a vegan. and he has lost some weight. i just felt an instant connection with this guy. so i took a chance and asked him to coffee. we text yesterday a bit. it was pretty friendly. nothing crazy and sexy although that would have been nice. i cant wait to see what monday at 11 am at the coffee shop off 114th and bestie buy and game stop. im excited. by then ill look great. and also i gotta ask for that day off just in case we go do something else. it would be really cool if we just could not stop talking and went for lunch lol
11 is a great time for coffee and then hit up lunch if need beeeeeee.
i already notice my clothes are fitting nicer. my one pair of jeans my good ones are losey goosy. i would wear that and do my hair nice and make up and smell good. and not too nice just casual ahhhh god i dont think i've ever been on a date with a stranger. except for a blind date. but this is nerve racking LOL its kind of fun
now i know when alll these people say just date and have fun i know what they mean!! although i feel guilt from not telling these other guys that im dating other people. i should just say hey im seeeing other people. i hope this guy is not seeing any one. and i hope he's the one who suggests we go out again. id love to borrow some books ya know.
any way. kept on thinking about dan last night. boy i like him
i told him i really liked him and i could not stop thinking about him and i feel as though he got a little distant. i think when i go out there to visit i need to be really easy going and calming. thats my goal. but its for me too you know.
any way so i weighed in at 198. today not too shabby. especially this soon after my period its nice. lol
all this water in about a week i know i will see about 193 no problem. that will be nice to be 193 by the end of the month. i have been seeing 1 lb per day off me. so im thinking keep up and by monday (coffee date) thats 5-6 lbs. thats around 193 192!! sweetness!! oh joy!!!apetite is way down. way way way down.
i get full so fast. and i dont crave bullshit foods. this is great. im happy.
god i feel like i have just been working and working and working. holy shit. man. i gotta find a second job soon. so i can make more money.
my nails have grown nicely and my hair looks fucking great! my attitude is fabulous!! oh im so proud of myself for doing this!!! i inspired my aunt to start working out again!! poor auntie is having a hard time at work.
they are really dicking her around there
so instead of going for a beer she went to exercise im very proud of her for that. gosh i am already seeing some great progress with my weight loss. i am loving this!! i cannot wait until the end of the month well 4 days to see what i will look like. come feb i know i can get down to 180. thats my goal. it might be hard because if im only at 195 thats 15 lbs i need to lose by the end of feb. i can do it but its going to be rough. but if i can get down to 190 sooner then that would be great. if i can just get to 190 sooner and lose it within the first week of feb then i know i got almost a 3 weeks to get to 180. but look if i can lose 8 lbs in one week thats a little more than a pound a day. i gotta try to get rid of this weight in a week. and thats why i started taking the milk thistle was so i can actually see my progress. so tomorrow im anticipating 197. and hopefully by the 2end of feb i can get to 191. thats ok with me. then ill only have 11 lbs to lose in that month. i got so much money i need to save. i just want to blog all day about my weight loss and my goals but i cant LOL so i will leave to run. and i hope i have a great run today. then ill eat an egg if i can eat. LOLoh this kid told me he loved me. i want to watch something about marry so bad. i feel like her. oh man i can feel my hip bones super good right now my stomach is not too flat yet but a few more pounds and it should be slimmer :)
ok enough LOL ciao
11 is a great time for coffee and then hit up lunch if need beeeeeee.
i already notice my clothes are fitting nicer. my one pair of jeans my good ones are losey goosy. i would wear that and do my hair nice and make up and smell good. and not too nice just casual ahhhh god i dont think i've ever been on a date with a stranger. except for a blind date. but this is nerve racking LOL its kind of fun
now i know when alll these people say just date and have fun i know what they mean!! although i feel guilt from not telling these other guys that im dating other people. i should just say hey im seeeing other people. i hope this guy is not seeing any one. and i hope he's the one who suggests we go out again. id love to borrow some books ya know.
any way. kept on thinking about dan last night. boy i like him
i told him i really liked him and i could not stop thinking about him and i feel as though he got a little distant. i think when i go out there to visit i need to be really easy going and calming. thats my goal. but its for me too you know.
any way so i weighed in at 198. today not too shabby. especially this soon after my period its nice. lol
all this water in about a week i know i will see about 193 no problem. that will be nice to be 193 by the end of the month. i have been seeing 1 lb per day off me. so im thinking keep up and by monday (coffee date) thats 5-6 lbs. thats around 193 192!! sweetness!! oh joy!!!apetite is way down. way way way down.
i get full so fast. and i dont crave bullshit foods. this is great. im happy.
god i feel like i have just been working and working and working. holy shit. man. i gotta find a second job soon. so i can make more money.
my nails have grown nicely and my hair looks fucking great! my attitude is fabulous!! oh im so proud of myself for doing this!!! i inspired my aunt to start working out again!! poor auntie is having a hard time at work.
they are really dicking her around there
so instead of going for a beer she went to exercise im very proud of her for that. gosh i am already seeing some great progress with my weight loss. i am loving this!! i cannot wait until the end of the month well 4 days to see what i will look like. come feb i know i can get down to 180. thats my goal. it might be hard because if im only at 195 thats 15 lbs i need to lose by the end of feb. i can do it but its going to be rough. but if i can get down to 190 sooner then that would be great. if i can just get to 190 sooner and lose it within the first week of feb then i know i got almost a 3 weeks to get to 180. but look if i can lose 8 lbs in one week thats a little more than a pound a day. i gotta try to get rid of this weight in a week. and thats why i started taking the milk thistle was so i can actually see my progress. so tomorrow im anticipating 197. and hopefully by the 2end of feb i can get to 191. thats ok with me. then ill only have 11 lbs to lose in that month. i got so much money i need to save. i just want to blog all day about my weight loss and my goals but i cant LOL so i will leave to run. and i hope i have a great run today. then ill eat an egg if i can eat. LOLoh this kid told me he loved me. i want to watch something about marry so bad. i feel like her. oh man i can feel my hip bones super good right now my stomach is not too flat yet but a few more pounds and it should be slimmer :)
ok enough LOL ciao
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
wow.... you'd never guess some lessons
so i have counted Wes, Austin, Jeremy, are in love with me. i'd never thought i'd have 3 at the same time. this is nice. but really i think i like my friend Dan the most. He's really nice.
any way today i ran 2.2 miles today. i had to split it up. 1 in am and 2end in pm
tomorrow i want to run 2 miles in the morning.
i get to sleep in thank god!! so if i have work at noon, then it takes me 15 minutes to get to work
so leave at 1145 wake up at 9 am.
appetite has been nice. no hunger no cravings. i am doing well for myself. i got my milk thistle back and i've been running. i drank 3 liters of water today. i just gotta keep up with this stuff.. ... i think i may do my 1 mile a day at least then maybe something else.
i have been so diligent on my diet. its been only one week out of my 2 week induction phase
so i think im going to stay on this and buy some of those ketosis strips. im going to sleep really good tonight
my goal is to get to 180 by the end of feb. then the end of march to be at 170
feb 180
march 170
april 160
may 150
june 140?
so im at 199 right now. i just got rid of some water weight. boooger
now this week i gotta keep count and track of my calories.
today i really didnt eat anything half a zuchini, cheese, 1/4 salad, dinner 2 boca burgers mustard cheese and lettuce.
staying ways from everything is ok for me. milk thistle is helping and so is the lipodrene
im really hoping that in a few days i can lose a bit more
199 i hope i wake up tomorrow at 197 or less.
197-6
= 191 is fine by me.
so now i just gotta go little by little and watch that scale
i think if i eat eggs for breakfast 2 eggs, coffee and salsa that is 140 calories 2 carbs
lunch is a salad that is usually 445 or so 3 carbs
dinner is tuna and spinach with cheese or salsa which is around 200 calories 1-2
im not really eating enough thats only about 800 calories per day
by my calculations i should be losing 5.6 pounds per week.
well see what happens. i think if i just burn 1100 calories per day + my bmr is 1722 i should be seeing weight loss
and you know what i have been seeing it i have like lose pants now!! WOOt
any way today i ran 2.2 miles today. i had to split it up. 1 in am and 2end in pm
tomorrow i want to run 2 miles in the morning.
i get to sleep in thank god!! so if i have work at noon, then it takes me 15 minutes to get to work
so leave at 1145 wake up at 9 am.
appetite has been nice. no hunger no cravings. i am doing well for myself. i got my milk thistle back and i've been running. i drank 3 liters of water today. i just gotta keep up with this stuff.. ... i think i may do my 1 mile a day at least then maybe something else.
i have been so diligent on my diet. its been only one week out of my 2 week induction phase
so i think im going to stay on this and buy some of those ketosis strips. im going to sleep really good tonight
my goal is to get to 180 by the end of feb. then the end of march to be at 170
feb 180
march 170
april 160
may 150
june 140?
so im at 199 right now. i just got rid of some water weight. boooger
now this week i gotta keep count and track of my calories.
today i really didnt eat anything half a zuchini, cheese, 1/4 salad, dinner 2 boca burgers mustard cheese and lettuce.
staying ways from everything is ok for me. milk thistle is helping and so is the lipodrene
im really hoping that in a few days i can lose a bit more
199 i hope i wake up tomorrow at 197 or less.
197-6
= 191 is fine by me.
so now i just gotta go little by little and watch that scale
i think if i eat eggs for breakfast 2 eggs, coffee and salsa that is 140 calories 2 carbs
lunch is a salad that is usually 445 or so 3 carbs
dinner is tuna and spinach with cheese or salsa which is around 200 calories 1-2
im not really eating enough thats only about 800 calories per day
by my calculations i should be losing 5.6 pounds per week.
well see what happens. i think if i just burn 1100 calories per day + my bmr is 1722 i should be seeing weight loss
and you know what i have been seeing it i have like lose pants now!! WOOt
Monday, January 24, 2011
going the distance 1
so today is my day off from running. tomorrow i have a four mile run. i need to be at work at 8:30 am
so if i wake up at 6:00 run and i will have time to shower.
nice. i am at 200 right now. i gotta get some milk thistle today. and i need to drink much more water. were not drinking for a few months here at the house so that is good. i have not been too good about eating cheese. but its much better eating cheese than eating bread. now i need to take my lipodrene and i havent really seen any progress with it. so this week i gotta run. 15-16 miles that first week.
it takes 150 calories per mile ran and that is 2250 calories burned that week. i need to watch it with the calories this week. so im going to keep up on that first week for a month so i get used to it. then work on the second week later.
really i have just been eating eggs, salad, veggies, tuna, cheese, oil and vinegar, pickles (i know they are killing me) LOL
i drink coffee too. so i started on spark again. so i can get some extra help keeping track of my calories.
i feel like i should go for a run today. im going to have to wait to pay for my marathon. im going to go workout now.
so if i wake up at 6:00 run and i will have time to shower.
nice. i am at 200 right now. i gotta get some milk thistle today. and i need to drink much more water. were not drinking for a few months here at the house so that is good. i have not been too good about eating cheese. but its much better eating cheese than eating bread. now i need to take my lipodrene and i havent really seen any progress with it. so this week i gotta run. 15-16 miles that first week.
it takes 150 calories per mile ran and that is 2250 calories burned that week. i need to watch it with the calories this week. so im going to keep up on that first week for a month so i get used to it. then work on the second week later.
really i have just been eating eggs, salad, veggies, tuna, cheese, oil and vinegar, pickles (i know they are killing me) LOL
i drink coffee too. so i started on spark again. so i can get some extra help keeping track of my calories.
i feel like i should go for a run today. im going to have to wait to pay for my marathon. im going to go workout now.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
oh jeeeezie
so today im at the library. i have been eating lately which has been really nice. last night i had a spinach salad with cheese and salsa and tuna. i ate three times yesterday. it was nice and i ran one mile last night. 11:41 was my lap time. im proud of that because i shaved some 19 secs off my time. im going to shoot for 11.26 tonight. quit smoking. i had one yesterday and i can really feel it in my chest today. so goal today,drinking my 8 glasses of water, no smoking, run 1 mile in 11.26 and do some elliptical. eat.
i had my 3 eggs today for breakfast and coffee. with cheese.
so about 280 calories, and 4 carbs for breakfast. and lunch i dont know if i'd be hungry
probably just another salad. today is day 2 of work. my aunt and uncle are thinking about helping me with a car. so i can work and such. my chest really hurts. i was a tad sore today. starting out at one mile slowly but surely i will get there.maybe not too slow. i would like to get my miles down to 9 minutes per mile. thats 2 .5 minutes to cut. oh boy. that will take some work.running a 5 k in 20 minutes is roughly 6 minute miles. so my period started on the 18th and the last day i had to weigh myself with an ok number was the 17th. so im trying to see if i can lose weight. im taking lipodrene and its been helping with my issues. it puts me in a better mood and gives me energy
i eat way less too. i dont want to eat shit. so far i have drank 2 waters
eaten breakfast and taken my lipodrene.
i had my 3 eggs today for breakfast and coffee. with cheese.
so about 280 calories, and 4 carbs for breakfast. and lunch i dont know if i'd be hungry
probably just another salad. today is day 2 of work. my aunt and uncle are thinking about helping me with a car. so i can work and such. my chest really hurts. i was a tad sore today. starting out at one mile slowly but surely i will get there.maybe not too slow. i would like to get my miles down to 9 minutes per mile. thats 2 .5 minutes to cut. oh boy. that will take some work.running a 5 k in 20 minutes is roughly 6 minute miles. so my period started on the 18th and the last day i had to weigh myself with an ok number was the 17th. so im trying to see if i can lose weight. im taking lipodrene and its been helping with my issues. it puts me in a better mood and gives me energy
i eat way less too. i dont want to eat shit. so far i have drank 2 waters
eaten breakfast and taken my lipodrene.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
jesus
im up with all this water weight. 204. dang. thats 10 lbs of water hanging on that is nearly one gallon of water.
any way ill write more tomorrow. cherrieousoidua[oishd
any way ill write more tomorrow. cherrieousoidua[oishd
welp it happened
broke it off with dustin.
i get anxiety seeing that. i need to work on me.
so..... i got a bit of water weight i need to get off. i am 199 right now. and i was at 193. TOM is here and that didnt help either.
so i think tonight im going to try and run 4 miles. that is what my training regimen says to do. however its 16 weeks of training that im going to try and pull out to make it 2 months longer. so perhaps i will just try to run the 4 tonight and tomorrow would be a rest day. the next day after that looks like it could be a 5 mile day. it takes me 12 minutes to run a mile. i gotta cut that down to 9 minutes a mile then i can finish the marathon in 4 hours.
but its stamina and endurance. i have to keep the pace at 9 minute miles. so my running 4 miles / day is going to add up to 636 calories burned.
3720 and thats with work and eating breakfast and my bmr. breakfast was 3 eggs, coffee and salsa. im drinking some water right now.
breakfast was about 310 and i already subtracted that from the thing. im thinking tuna for dinner, and a salad for lunch.
tuesdays thurs and sats and suns are going to be long run days its averaging about 4-6 miles/wk its nearly 4 lbs per week i'd be losing
being at 199
with this water weight i bet i can see 193 after a while.
a week
my goal is to be in the 180's this month thats two weeks.
with my running and my atkins i can get there easy 199- 15 thats 184.
i have to go back sometime and get the rest of my stuff. im nervous about doing that because i really dont want to see him. i know what is going on. i know that he is seeing his ex again. i can put money on that.
i need to keep my head up. this sat i work 12-7 i dont know when i can come get my stuff from his place this week. i think next week would be better.
ok running. run run run run run run run run run run. i want to go hme and run. 4 miles will take me 50 minutes or so. i know i'll go home and ill be home around 8:30pm get some clothes on and go for my run. be done by like 9:15 and take a shower. i will be so fuggin tired
my anxiety kills me. it gets so fucking bad.i got it right now. i took one of my pills lipodrene for weight loss and energry. mainly energy. i was having a hard time finding motivation. this helps me get my ass in gear.
and gets me to work out hard core.
work is in a few
gotta keep positive
i get anxiety seeing that. i need to work on me.
so..... i got a bit of water weight i need to get off. i am 199 right now. and i was at 193. TOM is here and that didnt help either.
so i think tonight im going to try and run 4 miles. that is what my training regimen says to do. however its 16 weeks of training that im going to try and pull out to make it 2 months longer. so perhaps i will just try to run the 4 tonight and tomorrow would be a rest day. the next day after that looks like it could be a 5 mile day. it takes me 12 minutes to run a mile. i gotta cut that down to 9 minutes a mile then i can finish the marathon in 4 hours.
but its stamina and endurance. i have to keep the pace at 9 minute miles. so my running 4 miles / day is going to add up to 636 calories burned.
3720 and thats with work and eating breakfast and my bmr. breakfast was 3 eggs, coffee and salsa. im drinking some water right now.
breakfast was about 310 and i already subtracted that from the thing. im thinking tuna for dinner, and a salad for lunch.
tuesdays thurs and sats and suns are going to be long run days its averaging about 4-6 miles/wk its nearly 4 lbs per week i'd be losing
being at 199
with this water weight i bet i can see 193 after a while.
a week
my goal is to be in the 180's this month thats two weeks.
with my running and my atkins i can get there easy 199- 15 thats 184.
i have to go back sometime and get the rest of my stuff. im nervous about doing that because i really dont want to see him. i know what is going on. i know that he is seeing his ex again. i can put money on that.
i need to keep my head up. this sat i work 12-7 i dont know when i can come get my stuff from his place this week. i think next week would be better.
ok running. run run run run run run run run run run. i want to go hme and run. 4 miles will take me 50 minutes or so. i know i'll go home and ill be home around 8:30pm get some clothes on and go for my run. be done by like 9:15 and take a shower. i will be so fuggin tired
my anxiety kills me. it gets so fucking bad.i got it right now. i took one of my pills lipodrene for weight loss and energry. mainly energy. i was having a hard time finding motivation. this helps me get my ass in gear.
and gets me to work out hard core.
work is in a few
gotta keep positive
Saturday, January 15, 2011
oh man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 193
cant really get my internet to work properly today for some reason. im just going to keep reloading until hopefully i get some where.
so my anticipated weight loss today is 192. if this is the case. with what im doing on top of atkins, i should be losing weight at a rate of 2 lbs per day.. and that is what i have been seeing.
so if you SHOULD be losing weight at a rate of 2lbs per week and i increased mine to 2 lbs per day is that 7x the amount?
i went through my ex's email last night. he is having a fucking baby. and to top that they are going to name her lily cora. which i dont know how to take that since cora was the name of the baby juan and i were going to name when we had one.
i dont know if i should flatter myself by saying he liked the name i picked out and wanted a part of me to be with that baby???
or did he just like that name very much. some times i wonder if im ocd. i over analyze things to the breaking point.
i guess i just want to break his heart like he broke mine. make him miss me. i do think about him often. he has given me quite a bit to learn about myself.
really all i want to do is talk with him. i want to tell him things that i have wanted to tell him. not sorry for what i did but sorry the whole thing got so out of control. and sorry we fought. sorry for trashing the place. i was coherced into doing it. just like he destroyed something nice of mine, i destroyed something of his and that was not fair because i do not believe in an eye for an eye.
i want to talk to him. i want to be like "look we went through so much together and i do think about you all the time. i was angry and hurt. i want to be the best person i can be with a clear conscious. I believe the things you did to me were horrible. im not going to sit here and point at you the whole time. I was hurt and angry because when i needed you the most you were the one who was selfish. you looked at my drunk and decided it was about you not about what i was going through. there are always 2 sides of every story.
if more. i found out that you cheated on me the same day my grandma passed away. instead of getting to see her for the LAST time you took the money and rented a hotel room for you and your ugly mistress.
but i was angry, not any more. i want more in my life than anger. i want to be happy and healthy in more than just one way. "
im thinking a few shots of tequilla can get me to stand there ha ha ha. but i want to look great!
i need to tell him i know he was flirting with michelle, janie, all the things that happened between him and jess, and other women too.
any way, so today im supposed to weight 192. you know if i jump on that scale and see 192 im going to go out of my fucking mind with excitement!! in one week i can get down to 178 if i continue on this 2 lbs per day advantage.
im just drinking my coffee i got work at 12 today and i close. last night i talked to dustin. he just assured me he was tired. its been 5 days since we had sex. i fucking hate it. im just going to get him to fix the car. stop worrying about if he's cheating on me because honestly i dont give a fuck any more. if he is really going to lie to me about it then so be it. i tried my best to be a great gf. money wise it sucks but hell i tried. i tried to look good, be in a good mood even though i dont want to, treat him when ever i can.
wait im sick of men.
i want to lose weight for me. i want to lose weight because it will help my marathon training. i want to run that marathon for me, grandma, and mike larsen.
he is up and that gives me anxiety
any way i hope im at 192 today. that will be a 19 lb loss. and when i hit 191 that is a 20 lb loss. when i hit 181 that will be a 30 lb victory and i think i might go get my nose pierced. i dont know yet.
i bought some more aloe vera so i can use it on my skin!! so happy. what a wonderful thing to use on my skin. i just love it!! god i conditioned my hair last night and it is so fucking soft and it smells wonderful. i used my aloe vera last night on my skin under lotion and it feels wonderful too. my acne is disappearing too which is so nice. i cant wait to have my clear skin back.
looking forward
193 lbs today :) not my best but it will do
so my anticipated weight loss today is 192. if this is the case. with what im doing on top of atkins, i should be losing weight at a rate of 2 lbs per day.. and that is what i have been seeing.
so if you SHOULD be losing weight at a rate of 2lbs per week and i increased mine to 2 lbs per day is that 7x the amount?
i went through my ex's email last night. he is having a fucking baby. and to top that they are going to name her lily cora. which i dont know how to take that since cora was the name of the baby juan and i were going to name when we had one.
i dont know if i should flatter myself by saying he liked the name i picked out and wanted a part of me to be with that baby???
or did he just like that name very much. some times i wonder if im ocd. i over analyze things to the breaking point.
i guess i just want to break his heart like he broke mine. make him miss me. i do think about him often. he has given me quite a bit to learn about myself.
really all i want to do is talk with him. i want to tell him things that i have wanted to tell him. not sorry for what i did but sorry the whole thing got so out of control. and sorry we fought. sorry for trashing the place. i was coherced into doing it. just like he destroyed something nice of mine, i destroyed something of his and that was not fair because i do not believe in an eye for an eye.
i want to talk to him. i want to be like "look we went through so much together and i do think about you all the time. i was angry and hurt. i want to be the best person i can be with a clear conscious. I believe the things you did to me were horrible. im not going to sit here and point at you the whole time. I was hurt and angry because when i needed you the most you were the one who was selfish. you looked at my drunk and decided it was about you not about what i was going through. there are always 2 sides of every story.
if more. i found out that you cheated on me the same day my grandma passed away. instead of getting to see her for the LAST time you took the money and rented a hotel room for you and your ugly mistress.
but i was angry, not any more. i want more in my life than anger. i want to be happy and healthy in more than just one way. "
im thinking a few shots of tequilla can get me to stand there ha ha ha. but i want to look great!
i need to tell him i know he was flirting with michelle, janie, all the things that happened between him and jess, and other women too.
any way, so today im supposed to weight 192. you know if i jump on that scale and see 192 im going to go out of my fucking mind with excitement!! in one week i can get down to 178 if i continue on this 2 lbs per day advantage.
im just drinking my coffee i got work at 12 today and i close. last night i talked to dustin. he just assured me he was tired. its been 5 days since we had sex. i fucking hate it. im just going to get him to fix the car. stop worrying about if he's cheating on me because honestly i dont give a fuck any more. if he is really going to lie to me about it then so be it. i tried my best to be a great gf. money wise it sucks but hell i tried. i tried to look good, be in a good mood even though i dont want to, treat him when ever i can.
wait im sick of men.
i want to lose weight for me. i want to lose weight because it will help my marathon training. i want to run that marathon for me, grandma, and mike larsen.
he is up and that gives me anxiety
any way i hope im at 192 today. that will be a 19 lb loss. and when i hit 191 that is a 20 lb loss. when i hit 181 that will be a 30 lb victory and i think i might go get my nose pierced. i dont know yet.
i bought some more aloe vera so i can use it on my skin!! so happy. what a wonderful thing to use on my skin. i just love it!! god i conditioned my hair last night and it is so fucking soft and it smells wonderful. i used my aloe vera last night on my skin under lotion and it feels wonderful too. my acne is disappearing too which is so nice. i cant wait to have my clear skin back.
looking forward
193 lbs today :) not my best but it will do
Friday, January 14, 2011
oh my!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -18
so now i am officially at 194!!! (insert balloons here...... yay...... and here) lol im so happy im at 194. i got to talking to a friend of mine and she was at 196 when she began to lose weight. now she is at 171. that is a 25 lb difference. I was skyping my friend dan and he noticed right away how i looked. i noticed too. my stomach is flatter my face is not fluffy and i look better. i want to get to my goal weight so bad. i've been hovering over that gd scale now for 2 years trying to get the rest off. im tired of trying to lose weight i just want to maintain now.
i got my thing in the mail and wow did it do a number on me. i like it a lot!!! i went grocery shopping today and i noticed i was buying food for 2 different people.
MINE DUSTIN
ice burg lettuce tortilla chips
baby green mixed lettuce cheetos
limes corn nuts
shrimp tortillas
cheeses Milk
salsa makings skinless chicken breast
(homemade and it was dank!!) bacon
spinach grapefruit juice no
eggs sugar added
Potato bread
muffins
gummie snacks
coke
gatorade
usually when he goes grocery shopping i never ask for my stuff which i have listed
i would feel bad. he will usually get tortillas cheap molases bread cheeses, chips, sodas, candies, juices (like hi c)
just plain crap
tonight for dinner i made shrimp tacos
i blended up lime juice, cilantro, garlic, salt, tomatoes, onions and cooked my shrimp in that.
then i laid the shrimp on top of my lettuce wrap and spinach with cheese. on top added extra home made salsa which was a different take of what i used to cook the shrimp in. it was so delicious!!!
the spinach really added a nice flare to things!!
i had so much energy today it was intense.
i cleaned the house, went for groceries, laundry, at the laundry matt too for dustins oiled clothes, cleaned the kitchen, cleaned out the fridge, fixed the toilet, took a movie back,
and i was on a roll all day.
i have work tomorrow from 12-8pm which im nervous about since that whole shit with dustin went down and his ex showing up here without notice to me.
i gotta remember, i cannot control it. all i can control is myself.
im really happy i've lost nearly 20 lbs. 18 is just what i needed to boost me self.
so im at 194 my next goal is 190
i got my thing in the mail and wow did it do a number on me. i like it a lot!!! i went grocery shopping today and i noticed i was buying food for 2 different people.
MINE DUSTIN
ice burg lettuce tortilla chips
baby green mixed lettuce cheetos
limes corn nuts
shrimp tortillas
cheeses Milk
salsa makings skinless chicken breast
(homemade and it was dank!!) bacon
spinach grapefruit juice no
eggs sugar added
Potato bread
muffins
gummie snacks
coke
gatorade
usually when he goes grocery shopping i never ask for my stuff which i have listed
i would feel bad. he will usually get tortillas cheap molases bread cheeses, chips, sodas, candies, juices (like hi c)
just plain crap
tonight for dinner i made shrimp tacos
i blended up lime juice, cilantro, garlic, salt, tomatoes, onions and cooked my shrimp in that.
then i laid the shrimp on top of my lettuce wrap and spinach with cheese. on top added extra home made salsa which was a different take of what i used to cook the shrimp in. it was so delicious!!!
the spinach really added a nice flare to things!!
i had so much energy today it was intense.
i cleaned the house, went for groceries, laundry, at the laundry matt too for dustins oiled clothes, cleaned the kitchen, cleaned out the fridge, fixed the toilet, took a movie back,
and i was on a roll all day.
i have work tomorrow from 12-8pm which im nervous about since that whole shit with dustin went down and his ex showing up here without notice to me.
i gotta remember, i cannot control it. all i can control is myself.
im really happy i've lost nearly 20 lbs. 18 is just what i needed to boost me self.
so im at 194 my next goal is 190
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
oh wow!!
2 days of fasting and i got knocked into ketosis like a bat out of hell. i have lost 12 lbs. and counting. and i am leaking out ketones like a bad mama jama!!
went from 211 to 199 in about a week. stress and anxiety is causing me not to eat but i figure since i got into ketosis maybe i can just stay on atkins while im at it. the thing i need to remember is that i need to count calories even though im doing atkins. another thing that is bothering me is that dustins ex lost a lot of weight and dustins mom has been noted to say that dustin doesn't need a fat gf. that he deserves a skinny one. so im going into crisis mode right now. i can feel my face burning. i had a head ache yesterday and that was about it. jesus its so much easier to get into ketosis this way rather than by eating. i didn't feel any symptoms and by morning day 3 im already in ketosis. any way wish me luck ya'll
went from 211 to 199 in about a week. stress and anxiety is causing me not to eat but i figure since i got into ketosis maybe i can just stay on atkins while im at it. the thing i need to remember is that i need to count calories even though im doing atkins. another thing that is bothering me is that dustins ex lost a lot of weight and dustins mom has been noted to say that dustin doesn't need a fat gf. that he deserves a skinny one. so im going into crisis mode right now. i can feel my face burning. i had a head ache yesterday and that was about it. jesus its so much easier to get into ketosis this way rather than by eating. i didn't feel any symptoms and by morning day 3 im already in ketosis. any way wish me luck ya'll
Sunday, January 9, 2011
ahhhhh!! yeah!! -9 lbs
so i am at 204 today. thank the gods. My car is getting fixed today and will probably be able to run by tomorrow. I have to get the bitch registered and that will be costly. im going to just do something small for dustin's christmas pressent. I got home yesterday and found his ex here. well while i was walking through the door found him dressed up and very close to her. i dont know what happend i dont want to speculate but i bet they kissed. its been bothering me for a while now. i do not like her. and i am going to use that as my fuel along with everything else thats been bothering me, to run. and lose weight. it makes me nauseated at the fact that he could be cheating on me. plus i found on his phone that he changed his picture to something else rather than me on the background.
LESSON #1 :
its about me now.
LESSON #2:
i cannot control anyone but myself. if he cheats then its his fault not mine.
LESSON #3:
I will not hurt myself over this garbage. I was tempted to cut again. i did on my leg, but i sat in the shower and agreed to myself that i am not worth being hurt. i am worth much more than that!
that goes along with stuffing my emotional pie hole with food. If i eat because im emotional i am hurting myself.
LESSON #4:
I dont want to get married. It's decided. there is too much room for disappointment. I dont want to be let down any more and i let myself down and others have let me down.
LESSON #5:
I am a strong woman. I CAN do anything I want.
LESSON #6:
Times may be hard but that should only make me stronger. I should only look at things that happen in my life good or bad as opportunities to grow.
LESSON #7:
NO ONE WILL HOLD ME BACK!
LESSON #8:
I am in my prime and deserve to have a good time.
LESSON #9:
I need to make ME happy.
that is all my rant.
LESSON #1 :
its about me now.
LESSON #2:
i cannot control anyone but myself. if he cheats then its his fault not mine.
LESSON #3:
I will not hurt myself over this garbage. I was tempted to cut again. i did on my leg, but i sat in the shower and agreed to myself that i am not worth being hurt. i am worth much more than that!
that goes along with stuffing my emotional pie hole with food. If i eat because im emotional i am hurting myself.
LESSON #4:
I dont want to get married. It's decided. there is too much room for disappointment. I dont want to be let down any more and i let myself down and others have let me down.
LESSON #5:
I am a strong woman. I CAN do anything I want.
LESSON #6:
Times may be hard but that should only make me stronger. I should only look at things that happen in my life good or bad as opportunities to grow.
LESSON #7:
NO ONE WILL HOLD ME BACK!
LESSON #8:
I am in my prime and deserve to have a good time.
LESSON #9:
I need to make ME happy.
that is all my rant.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
bloggin wtf
ok so i am fully aware now that i have all these posts that are saying ok today is the day, fresh start, new year, new week, next week blah blah blah. Where on earth did my motivation go??
I think its because I was depressed.
- Thursday
Sign up for marathon and pay registration
Ok so i've signed up for the marathon before but did not pay for it. Last year blew asshole because so much was going on. Moving, dad's ms, lying fiance, grandma's death. it was seriously one thing after another. it was so hard for me.
the marathon is in june. june 11th to be exact. im looking forwarf to this. 18 weeks of training. car will be fixed soon im thinking like 2 more weeks at the latest. i need to stop smoking!!
then my shit still has not made it through the mail yet. which blows. my goal today is to drink 2 litters of water. and to cut my cigaretts to only 2 today. oh man i just guzzled some water i was so thirsty.
best thing about my job is i can have atkins approved salads yay!!
i haven't been eating a whole lot but one problem i have been having is i have been drinking a lot more.
so i cant wait for my stuff to come through the mail. this will really jump start my diet.i just really needed an appitite suppressant
im going back on atkins
i need to cut way back on cheeses and oil
but other than that i will be really good!
1200 calories a day. i got to lose as much weight as i can before my marathon so i can run it well
im hoping i can lose 8 lbs per month in 5 months thats 40 lbs. which is very healthy
- Make grocery list
go shopping on friday 1/13
I havent really gone grocery shopping because dustin has been paying for the groceries and i don't want him to be buying my stuff. thats not really fair.
so i will be making a grocery list for myself
and one for him LOL
-Start Running
gotta get my own car
So hopefully my car will be ready in about 2 weeks
so when i get my car i will start working out more aggressively. I need to see when my membership at my gym expires and when that does im just going to try to renew or find somewhere cheaper.
i need to really keep up on my running schedule.
its running 15-20 miles per week
I think its because I was depressed.
- Thursday
Sign up for marathon and pay registration
Ok so i've signed up for the marathon before but did not pay for it. Last year blew asshole because so much was going on. Moving, dad's ms, lying fiance, grandma's death. it was seriously one thing after another. it was so hard for me.
the marathon is in june. june 11th to be exact. im looking forwarf to this. 18 weeks of training. car will be fixed soon im thinking like 2 more weeks at the latest. i need to stop smoking!!
then my shit still has not made it through the mail yet. which blows. my goal today is to drink 2 litters of water. and to cut my cigaretts to only 2 today. oh man i just guzzled some water i was so thirsty.
best thing about my job is i can have atkins approved salads yay!!
i haven't been eating a whole lot but one problem i have been having is i have been drinking a lot more.
so i cant wait for my stuff to come through the mail. this will really jump start my diet.i just really needed an appitite suppressant
im going back on atkins
i need to cut way back on cheeses and oil
but other than that i will be really good!
1200 calories a day. i got to lose as much weight as i can before my marathon so i can run it well
im hoping i can lose 8 lbs per month in 5 months thats 40 lbs. which is very healthy
- Make grocery list
go shopping on friday 1/13
I havent really gone grocery shopping because dustin has been paying for the groceries and i don't want him to be buying my stuff. thats not really fair.
so i will be making a grocery list for myself
and one for him LOL
-Start Running
gotta get my own car
So hopefully my car will be ready in about 2 weeks
so when i get my car i will start working out more aggressively. I need to see when my membership at my gym expires and when that does im just going to try to renew or find somewhere cheaper.
i need to really keep up on my running schedule.
its running 15-20 miles per week
Sunday, January 2, 2011
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