New years 2011.

so its the new year. I bought something that might just help me with my weight loss. it should be here by this week. well im thinking thursday or wed.
its going to help jumpstart me thats all. i have found an 18 week running training marathon schedule. 
i want to run a marathon in june. and i want to run a marathon in ireland. there is one called the dublin marathon but its in october and that will be fucking ass cold. its cold right now. its fucking so fucking cold. im really excited about my product getting to me. i cant wait!! im kind of nervous because i dont want to be judged for it. i needed to get myself an appetite suppressant. its not to use forever its just to give me some energy and suppress my appetite. i have tried to do atkins several times because i love it! but i keep finding that the first couple of days suck so bad. 
i have tried to keep myself busy.
its just so fucking hard. im also hoping that with suppressing my appetite a bit then i can monitor my calories better. im so tired of being over weight. i got up to 211 and i am upset with myself. but then im thinking i can still do it. i can still get back to 180 and even closer to 153.  my clothes are barely fitting me still. and my underwear are feeling a bit tight. 
my face has broken out so bad. the worse i have seen it since a long while. my 18 week training schedule can be started in the 2end week of march. so i quit smoking that was step one. 
step two is to get running again. now there are two problems here. 1 i dont have a car yet. dustin is fixing up a car he bought for me. i doubt it will be ready to go for like 2 months and its fucking so fucking cold out side. i may just buy a treadmill for inside for cheap. or i dont know. im just hoping i can run somewhere.
i do not want to smoke any more. i am so fucking done with that shit. 
now i need to wait for my product and then start my diet. i have work on some days that i start at 8 am and work until 3, if thats the case i can ask to hit the gym for a minute after work. then if i work at 3pm to 8 pm i can ask to go to the gym before that. that will work out well.
im going to try and do the grocery shopping because when dustin goes he gets garbage like cheese, bread and tortillas and thats it. 
usually when i go i know what we have and i can cook dinners and have healthy lunches. PS great part about working where i work i can eat atkins friendly :)
im fucking cold right now. my foot hurts. its so fucking cold. god damn. 
i got 2 sweaters on thick pants and socks and coffee and im still fucking cold. 
any way the best thing about waiting for my product is i can start making plans. and reading about running. i think im going to make a vision board. yay ya ayayay. im going to do some research on running. i need to pay for my registration by march 10th so i can only have to pay 70 bucks for it. then i have to start running and dieting. im wondering if i can lose (well i weigh 207 right now.) my goal for january is to lose the 7 lbs. so i need to lose on average 10 lbs per month so i can be at my goal weight for my marathon. thats about 2 lbs per week. and so my goal this week is just to lose 2 lbs. so hoping i can be at 205 by the end of the week. so by next sat. 205 is my goal. my goal is also to not smoke. so really i think if i just cut out some things like even just a few pieces of cheese and a few slices of bread ill be golden!!
sweet this will be an easy goal for me to do. and drink more water. dustins mom throws up and the bitch weighs like 143 or some shit like that. she has big fake tits. but she has nasty wrinkles. and no ass. really that woman has no shape what so ever. the lesson i learned from her is to get what i want, not give men what they want. sorry. i want a nice shapely body with my curves and a toned body. marilyn gives men what they want. big fake tits. and a little body. her hair is so gross. its so fucking stringy and she's losing her hair too. its thin and ew. i feel bad for her. im glad im not the one who is stuck having to be at mens beck and call. i do what i want. i want to be in shape. i will be too. i want shape to my legs, a thinner stomach and thinner arms. i want to have a body of a runner. and when i wear clothing i want no lumps and bumps to worry about. 
my new years resolutions:




- Run the Utah Valley Marathon for Grandma and Mike Larsen
- lose 54 lbs this year
- lose at least 30 of it by June
- Visit Ireland
- Start saving money instead of throwing it away
- Stop being friends with people who are trying to fuck my life up
- Paint more
- Start taking better care of my nails and hair
- Stop being so sensitive about shit
- Realize that Dustin loves me and doesn't need to say it every day
- Realize that people are not against me 
- Spend more time with family
- Not let anxiety control me any more!!


so those resolutions are to help me become a better person. 
i also want a better paying job too but fuck, dont know when that will happen. im starting a new Art blog. this will be fun!! im going to work on a vision board today. i have running magazines i can clip from. so i know my next pay day is jan 12th. and i still have got to get dustin his christmas present. lame i know but i have not had the money. i just gave him 100 bucks for gas and other shit. so i am hoping that helped. i really want to take him to a ski resort. im hoping my next check will be more like 500 or 600$ since my last check was 300 bucks and i was paid for only 37 hours. now i should be out of training and getting paid more like 600-700 a pay check hopefully if thats the case im going to give dustin some cash, then buy him concert tickets and take him to a bed and breakfast or something.